Learned helplessness

You’d eventually learn
That it is a long, long time
To await for day break

You’d understand
Your consciousness is futile
As it is paralysing

Cruising the edge of
Insanity, blurring lines of
Dream and reality

The rhythm of blood
Pumping at your ears, mocking
The count down of eternity

You’d eventually believe
Trapped in a forever present
Like a dream you cannot awake — an irony

In this dream,
You are alone.
And alone, you will always be.

(writteninstead)

Sunflower

I only wanted to be free
Live against the gravity
Infinite, the colour white — I am sunlight!

But if I am light
I cannot love the shadows
How can I fly? With half body heavy in soil

Each of them
Formed a vein and spread like roots
I am no sunlight, I am only a sunflower

(writteninstead)

Act of pain

Pain is a strange thing
Full of lies, it will be
Painting stories of tragedy
you will learn to believe

Into the role, perfectly
Pushing at you, screaming
Crying. A disgusting mess of
Madness and grief

Sorry I let the poison of pain
Swallow me; I forgot to see
Every time I clawed at you,
You’ve only responded with love

(writteninstead)

This time, you mattered

You are most afraid of indifference,
but I am scared
of affection.

Hugging the spinning blades
of a fan
adding speed, fingers white
it can take you on
a slow ride
or throw you
across, from a height
but as long it keeps on spinning
it shouldn’t matter
it didn’t.

I, on the other hand
will cut
the rope, dance into flames
nothing i will grasp, trust
to hold me
nothing i will let, bite me
but myself
as long as in solitary
it shouldn’t matter
it didn’t —

but you did.

Loving you was easiest / it was only hard 'cause I loved you so

But baby, it’s so dark
Regardless day or night

Now I am in the waters
Regardless land or sea

And baby, you know I cannot swim!
I cannot breathe
I….

But baby, do not get me wrong
Loving you was the easiest

It was only hard
Because I loved you so

(writteninstead)

Protect you

I watch you sleep
And hold your hands
Kiss your moan
And cease your frown

I watch you sleep
And know that I can
not protect you
From yourself

I watch you sleep
And really wish I can
“I love you”
I can only hold your hands

(writteninstead)